Gordy can’t fucking win.
he comes to Grandville, overcomes ohsomuch adversity, and finally feels like he belongs, when all of a sudden, bam. Awesome McGrandma kicks the bucket, and it’s back to College Hill for June and him. Justifiably, he suffers a crazy panic attack at the thought of going back, and gets fifty shades of pissed at Donny for only caring about the massive inheritance. but it’s settled: June and Gordy are going to live with Stu, Barbara, and Barbara’s son Brent in a dinky apartment in good ol’ Maryland.
he has to deal with Lizard and Magpie being weird (they are fourteen-year-old girls; of course they are weird,) Brent is a two-year-old demon child, Stuart and Barbara are obsessed with school, and Gordy is fed up with everything again. he fights with Elizabeth’s boyfriend constantly, he has a super crush on her (the enemy!), and he has finally realized Toad and Doug are fucking morons who blame the stupid crap they do on him. All Barbara wants is a nice house for her family, and for everyone to get along. these are Smiths, honey, it’s not going to happen.
I do like when Gordy plants a big, fat kiss on Elizabeth and she socks him. fab-u-lous.
there is this old, crochety professor who has a big yard that all of the kids cut through on their sleds, and he gets ridiculously pissed off when they do it. of course, Gordy gets caught, and Barbara laughs and explains that they’ve been doing that since she was a girl. adults were children once? surely you jest. Elizabeth’s father, the sheriff if I recall, picks Gordy up and takes him home. what is hilarious is that Gordy thinks that Elizabeth’s whole family talks shit about him at the dinner table, and her father is like “no, we can’t get her to stfu about you, actually.” CRUSH! CRUSH! CRUSH!
this is all out of order, I think, because I have had vino. some highlights:
- Gordy steals the Carousel soundtrack for Elizabeth and Margaret and they are honestly disgusted.
- Gordy asks Elizabeth to the Sweetheart Dance. she pretty much tells him to sit & spin.
- at the dance, her boyfriend goads Gordy into a fight and then knocks the shit out of him. Elizabeth is totally not impressed and writes a letter to the principal explaining what happened, which (in a way) keeps Gordy out of more trouble
- Margaret is now eighty-three feet tall and frightening
- Brent calls Gordy “Yuncle Poopoo;” Elizabeth calls him “GAS”
- Gordy and William are still bffs and communicate through the mail
while Gordy is serving out his punishment for the professor, Elizabeth walks by, and the creepy old fart whistles at her. grosssssssssss. but Gordo runs after her, and they actually have a conversation not filled with insults. then he invites her to a movie and she says yes! wow! amazing! things are looking decent for him, and he’s run out of batshit/elderly relatives. he might actually be okay now.
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